Day 12 – Shameful Beggar

Day 12 – I’m starting a count down until the 29th when i’m leaving to Romania. I have 12 more days. It’s unbelievable!!! I haven’t seen my family in 4 years, so i’m pretty anxious to go home. In these last few days i will (hopefully) write every day about this journey. Keep coming for more if you’re interested.

Shameful Beggar

Moms are awesome. My mom has been such a blessing to me. She taught me how to survive in this big world. She taught me life skills. One of those life skills she taught me was through a wise saying: “the shameful beggar’s bag is always empty”.

That meant that when I am in need I shouldn’t be ashamed to ask people for help. See in my country it is shameful to be in need. You are supposed to earn your living and depend on yourself, and not be a burden to anyone. This is even biblical to some extent. I read passages like:

“For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate.” 1 Tim 3:7-9

I totally agree with this idea. When I came on a missionary trip to the States I tried to save up as much money as I could to survive for 12 months. I decided that I will live simple and eat very little. I was prepared in my mind to go through a rough time and really live by faith. I ended up not needing to live on bread and water because the organization raised money for us as a team. We did live on very little money. Because I was a foreigner and they couldn’t raise any money from people I knew (because not a lot of people in Romania understand the idea of support raising) they gave me 25$ every month. For everything else we were relying on faith and the wonderful host families.

On the other hand I could not understand why people ask for money to go do missionary work in another country or even in the U.S. My thinking was: people need to work and do what God has called them to do after work. It was pretty simple in my mind. Until God called me to raise support and become a full time missionary 2 years ago. What a struggle it was for me! Ever since then, the Lord has been working in me. He changed a lot of wrong mind-sets I had about missionaries and also taught me to trust Him more.

But I must confess I still have some problems. Sometimes when I ask for support from people I feel ashamed. I feel like they need the money, or they should give it to the poor, the hungry around the world. I feel like I don’t deserve it. I feel guilty that I am expecting to live a normal life (buying shoes, do my hair, etc) when others are in much more need than I. Although I try my best to honor my supporters by spending my money wisely, there’s still something in me that I believe God is changing.

Maybe it is the shame aspect. Why should I be ashamed of the ministry that He is doing through me? If I would work full-time I wouldn’t be able to do all that I do. Right? Oh, it was so easy to just go to work then come home, fully knowing that i’ll have enough money to live as I’d like to. But then I think I used to be jealous of those who were in full time ministry. I felt like I wasn’t doing as much for God as they did (which of course was my wrong thinking again that God had to change).

I don’t have an inch of doubt that God has called me to do this. Not at all. But maybe God is working in me humility by teaching me to rely on Him and Him alone. Humility every time I meet with people to share the vision of my calling, when I call them up to see how they’re doing. Humility when God is asking me to truly and honestly look for my supporters’ friendship and interest rather than their money.

This whole journey of support raising has changed the way I view giving even. Now whenever someone asks me for a donation I try to pray about it and if the Lord gives me a sum I try to be faithful and obey Him. I know first hand what it’s like to ask for money so I try to make it easy for them by obeying God. It’s not always easy for me since I don’t even know when i’m getting supported, but, the most amazing thing is, I never lacked a thing. EVER.

That being said, I’m continuing on this journey of raising support for Romania, trusting God still more and more. He is my Father and He will supply all that I need. I don’t have to be ashamed because first and foremost I am not a beggar. I am the daughter of the King :). But the awesome part is He called me with a purpose that is honorable. He has called me to stand in the place of prayer to cry out for my country, to sit at His feet and listen to the songs He wants me to sing, to set the captives free by telling them the good news of His death and resurrection, to establish a House of Prayer in my country where people can come to and be equipped and blessed to go out and make a change. I am called to lead others into an encounter with the living God through singing and prophetic ministry.

He called me.

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” Matt 6:27-29


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