Day 4 – Sunday

What ??? NO WAY! Where did the past few days go from the last time i was here??? WOW! Time flies by so fast! Unbelievable!! 4 more days left!

You’re probably wondering what i have been up to since it looks like i am so busy. Here are some things I’ve been really giving my time to:

1. Friends – Spending quality time with friends. I had set aside time to enjoy my last days with friends. Enjoy our friendships. There’s something beautiful about friends. The Lord was so faithful in giving me good friends here. I remember when i came to Iowa i had a great fear of building relationships. I had been on the road and lived in so many different places that i found myself closed to the opportunity of meeting new people. I was sad to say good-bye all the time, and possibly never see them again. But in time, the Lord put people who were steady in my life, and therefore i could open up to them. I’m so glad i did! To everyone of you reading this: -Wherever you are, if we’ve crossed paths, know that i love and appreciate you. You have changed my life for the better. You’ve been a divine instrument in God’s hands to teach me love 🙂 You have been such a blessing to me!!! (i hope  was the same :)))

2. Rest – God has been beckoning me to a time of rest with Him. That means taking specific time during the day when i just lay down and rest. I think about Him, maybe meditate on a verse, read a little here a little there, worship, play my guitar, etc… just resting. He’s been giving me Psalm 23 and John 10 hardcore. So i need to let the Shepherd restore and take care of my soul! I’ve been in ministry for the past few years and it has been so exhausting. Not that it wasn’t good. It was awesome, but the time and season has changed for me. I’m on a sabbatical 🙂

3. Songwriting – As i spent my time resting, the Lord gave me 2 songs. One is complete, the other is still in progress. Actually last night was my last night leading worship at Ablaze, and i sang the song at the end of the worship set. It is called “Altar of Love”. People were coming up after service and told me how much they got touched by this song. I was so blessed by their encouraging words.

I wrote it a few days ago when i had my rest with the Lord. I started out a bit sad, because i realized my heart became really cold towards God. I was having a hard time spending time with the one i love. And that was not cool. I was discouraged that in all these years i have not been faithful to keep learning an instrument, and that i can’t play guitar well. I was dissapointed that i haven’t gone deeper in God as i would have liked to, wasted time here and there, and on an on. I also saw that my heart was cold towards God, and it was just so sad to see myself become like that. I remembered when it was so easy to love God, to follow Him wherever He went. It was so easy to choose Him and others, because i was madly in love with Him, because He was in my heart and on my mind constantly. It used to be so easy to die to myself and my selfish desires. I was able to do anything for Him, my love knew no price. I didn’t count the cost of following Jesus. I pictured my heart to be like an altar where God’s fire used to burn, but now there’s nothing but ashes, and how i miss the days when God’s love was so real and tangible. Do you guys know what i am talking about? I hated it so much that i had to live on a memory. I even thought about the verse in . The fire was supposed to be burning 24/7. (Lev 6:9). And if that was true about God’s temple, then how much more should that be in my heart, where God is supposed to dwell.

And so i picked up my guitar and started singing:

“V1: I don’t have it figured out, but i’m trying to love You/I don’t have it figured out, but i’m pressing to know You/I don’t have it figured out, but i’m certain of one thing/My Jesus, my love, You’re still the one i want (Phil 3:12-14)

Bridge: I look at the altar where Your fire used to burn/And i mourn the heat, the nearness of Your love/I remember when (Ps 77:11; Lev 6:9)

Chorus: It used to be easy to die/You consumed my heart and mind/It used to be easy to die/My love had no price (John 12:24; SoS 8:7; Rom 6:2; Deut 4:24)

V2: I don’t understand it all, but i’m learning to trust You, I can’t see You clearly now, but remember Your beauty, I don’t have it figured out, but i’m certain of one thing/My Jesus, my love, You’re still the one i want (Heb 11:1; Ecc 3:11)

Bridge&Chorus

Bridge 2: My heart has grown cold, and it’s unacceptable/Jesus please, bring me back to You

Chorus

Chorus 2: Jesus, I’m after Your heart, I’m still after Your heart/Jesus, You’re the one that i want, still the one that i want/Set me ablaze/I still love You Lord”

Hopefully we can record it sometime soon, and  can post it so you guys can listen to it too. I’m way excited 🙂

4. Wedding – I had the privilege of going to a Marine’s wedding. It was awesome to see him getting married in uniform.

5. Packing – I am packing away. The funny thing is i thought i am allowed to take 2×70 pound suitcases and it turns out i can only take 1×50 pound free bag, and i have to pay for the second one 50$. How is that for downsizing? So ever since then i was trying to give away stuff to people. It’s been fun though to see God use me in that too 🙂

Yeah, it’s been crazy. Just wanted to thank everyone who has supported me in the past years! I love you all 🙂

Till tomorrow!

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