Did you guys know that the way we measure our love for God is by how much we love our neighbor (1st book of John)? And if we don’t love our neighbor we are deceived and God calls us liars? If we say we love Him but hate our brothers we are just some crazy fools caught up in our own self emotional pride? Jesus said that if you only love those who love you, what gain is that to you? Even the gentiles do the same (my paraphrase Matt 5:46-48) So my question to MYSELF is: “If I have trouble loving those who love me, how much do I love God, really?”
Not even counting my enemies. They are dead, because i already killed them.
I have a long ways to go…
Then i wanted an easy way out… and here my loveless self-medicated ego popped up, so I asked God: “Why is it that in 12 years I still have trouble loving You and my neighbor? Why can’t you just increase my love for You? Isn’t that what You want after all?”
And sure enough, I “stumbled” across someone’s post tonight and here’s a Selfless Ego-saving Redeeming God-sent excerpt:
I was faced head on with how much pride, rebellion, and immaturity I had acquired. I know I was pretty bad, but MAN! I’ve been sitting in a prayer room thinking, “why do I feel like I have so much to deal with, why am I not moving forward?” and here is my answer. I’m still facing and debasing all of that anger and self-righteous stupidity. I can’t expect months of sowing into that to just suddenly disappear from my heart. God showed me today as I cried out, “Lord, why can’t you just increase my love for you right now 10 times as much as it already is?” He told me that he would give me a mile.. but that I would receive this “mile” of love inch by inch. centimeter by centimeter. day by freaking day! slowly. step by step. and all of these phrases are just expressing the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. I wished it to be easy, quick, and painless. Ha, I still do. But, i know that after He’s worked this slow process in me, I will find that it was more than worth it. ;]
The Lord reminded me that THIS LOVE is a process that takes my “yes” after “yes”, my choice after choice to produce VOLUNTARY love in me. Love is not love unless I choose it. God and I both have to choose love. God did His part, now it’s time I do mine. Is it too small a vision to start with my relatives, then go on to my neighbors? Then if I love them truly, maybe one day, maybe, i will resurrect my enemies with love? Someone said that once we said YES to Jesus the first time, there’s no turning back. He will see to it that I will love, certainly and completely.
I have a long way to go… but I will find that it was more than worth it.