He is called my Teacher and Helper. But to teach me what and help me how? I didn’t ask the Lord this question because i thought i don’t need an answer. Until today.
As i was talking to Jesus i came to conclude that even though i have tons of information (what i think i know) on how to have a relationship with Jesus, i actually don’t know how to have an intimate relationship with him (to love Him as He wants to be loved), because the end result of my “trying” is not more love for Jesus, just more hard work and stress to keep it up: reading the Word, praying, serving others, etc. All the while trying to do all these i knew in my heart that something is not right and that there is more. More passion, more excitement that is. I tasted it after i got saved 16 years ago, so i knew there is more. I just broke down crying, telling the Lord: “I’m so sorry Jesus that i don’t love you as you deserve to be loved. I don’t know how to anymore. Please help me love you” Don’t get me wrong, i have loved Jesus over the years and had a measure of passion for Him, sometimes stronger, sometimes not so strong, but this time i was hungry and desperate for more, not only for the moment, but to last for a lifetime. I want to wake up every day and love Jesus more than i loved Him the day before. Yes, there are ups and downs like in any relationship, but i came to the place where i don’t want to live without that passion anymore.
Then He gently spoke this verse to my heart that i read so many times over the years but never really understood it until now. ” Do not lean on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5b. Wow!!! I was blown away!!! It was like my eyes were being open so wide and i realized that so many years i have leaned on my own understanding on how to apply truth and wisdom to my life in order to produce love in my heart for Jesus, and not leaning, trusting, working together with the Holy Spirit to teach me and help me how and when to apply truth in order to grow in my relationship with Jesus.
So many times i tried to teach myself how to have a relationship with God by taking the information from other people on how they do it and then apply it to my own life, all the while neglecting the fact that only the Holy Spirit can teach me on a personal level how to live life with Jesus. The Holy Spirit knows how and when to help me apply the truth in the labyrinth of my heart, mind and soul. It was right when God said: “Do not lean on your own understanding” because only He is the source of all knowledge, not only about God, but about myself as well. He knows me better than i know myself and i was such a fool leaning on my own understanding. I had to repent of thinking that i know better than God on how to love Jesus, just because i had the information. I was wise in my own eyes, but in reality i was so foolish!!!
Having this revelation frees me from the burden of always trying to “figure out” how to have a relationship with God. And i am determined to take the Holy Spirit’s hand through the labyrinth of God’s heart and mine and let Him unite our hearts in one. And if the Lord is indeed a consuming fire, as we become one i will be consumed with love for Him every day of my life. Do it Lord!