What i am about to say has been burning in my heart for quite a while and today as i was walking home from church and after having coffee with a good friend, i decided it’s time to let it all out. Don’t worry, i am not going to rant. But i do want to share my 2 expensive cents. They are expensive because what i am about to say are lessons that were costly to me.
The Lord has given me the grace to meet many girls and connect with them at the heart level. One thing that has come up again and again is that these girls were heartbroken because the guy they were in love with chose someone else over them. They were feeling worthless and were saying things like “I don’t understand why he chose her and not me. Why couldn’t he love me? Was I not good enough? Wasn’t i beautiful enough? But the Lord spoke that he is going to be my husband” so on and so on. I could see the pain in their eyes as they were asking questions of why and why and why. All i could do is say “I know exactly how you feel” as i remembered my own struggles and tears i’ve shed over this issue.
If you went through this, i feel your heart. I remember the mental torment i was experiencing because i didn’t understand what was going on. It makes me angry that we don’t know our identity in Christ as we should and we let ourselves be walked all over by the enemy. It took me a long time to understand some things and grow up from my naive thinking, but once i knew the truth, it slowly started to set me free. And this is what i desire for you!
I want to encourage you by what i’ve learned and hopefully this will lift you up, open your eyes and thrust you into a new beginning!
- If the guy you are so in love with has chosen someone else, let him go. Let him choose and do whatever he wants. Why? Because he will do it anyway. You cannot control him, and indeed true love is giving freedom of choice to the other person. Don’t stay in the trap of your own emotions, desires and fantasies. Be free! You are worth it and anyone who doesn’t fight for you is not worthy of you! Period. Just like he chose that “other girl”, there will be someone to choose YOU! Just wait it out.
- “If love is not proven, it is not there” The Lord spoke this to me as i was praying about someone i had liked but noticed he wasn’t taking any steps towards me. You can have all the feelings, even all the prophetic words about someone (yes, you heard me!!!), if he hasn’t said anything then it’s nothing. If a guy likes you he will say something. And if he doesn’t have the courage to do that, then probably it’s better that he doesn’t. Why? Because you want a MAN and not a boy. Anyone who has been in love or liked someone knows that when you have feelings for someone, you are bold and courageous. I’ve seen even the shiest person step out, because their fear of losing the one they loved was greater than the fear of being rejected by them. So, if he hasn’t said anything, then it’s nothing. Faith without deeds is dead. Love is an action and if he hasn’t acted it’s better if you go on with your life. Love cannot be contained and it will eventually spill out. You want a husband that’s Christ’s image in your life. He gave up everything to come and pay the ultimate price of love: His own life. This is how much you are worth! There are so many love stories where the guy traveled to the ends of the Earth just to see his beloved’s face. Wow! This is love and this is for you and me! We were created to be abandoned lovers who do crazy things for love. As girls, our love should be a response to our beloveds proven love.
- You are not of the world to think like the world. There is a Mighty Creator who breathes galaxies into existence, who loves you tremendously and He has a plan for your life. Your happiness doesn’t depend on a man’s choice but on God. If God chooses you, that’s all you need. David when he wrote Psalm 23 he said “You anoint my head with oil”. This is so profound because Saul was chasing him down to kill him, but he knew that if God promised him something, then He will do it, even if his enemy is the most powerful person in Israel. God is in charge of your life and not a man! Stop giving him that kind of power!!! Rest in God’s perfect love and faithfulness. If He said it, He will do it. He set apart someone special just for you!
- This leads me to the next thing. If the guy hasn’t chosen you it’s because he wasn’t the one. It’s very simple. We like to over complicate things but in fact things are very simple. Don’t condemn yourself for someone else’s choice. You tell yourself “I should’ve done this, maybe then he would’ve liked me, or maybe i shouldn’t have done this, etc”
Stop it! Stop these tormenting thoughts! Set your mind on things above!!! What’s yours is kept safely for you in God’s hands. If He is able to keep the planets and stars in motion, then He can surely keep what you’ve entrusted to Him. Choose to trust Him even if you don’t understand! He is in control of your life! And your future husband’s, and everyone else’s that belong to Him.
- Don’t listen to the lie that you weren’t beautiful or good enough. I remember sitting across the table with a friend in a coffee shop as she was telling me the heartaches she was going through, and as i was looking at her i kept thinking “Wow, she is SO BEAUTIFUL! And she doesn’t even know it!” There’s a passage in Song of Songs 2:2 where King Solomon says the following to his beloved
“As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women.”
This is the way your future husband should look at you! He should see you as the most beautiful woman on this planet!
- In my last point i am going to be very tough. If he is married and you still have feelings for him you need to stop them right away. Be fierce, be violent! Take him out of your mind completely. Stop thinking about him and stop talking about it, to the Lord or anyone else. David fasted and prayed that the Lord would have mercy on his dieing son, hoping that somehow God would heal him, but the moment he died, he rose, washed his face and asked for food to eat. He knew it was over and that there’s nothing else to do. Do the same. Get up and get over him!!!
YOU ARE PRECIOUS, BEAUTIFUL AND WORTH IT! Wipe the tears off your face, put on a cute outfit and call your girlfriends, go out and do something fun together! God is for you, He loves you and He wants THE BEST for you!
put on your strength, O Zion;
put on your beautiful garments,
O Jerusalem, the holy city;
for there shall no more come into you
the uncircumcised and the unclean.
Shake yourself from the dust and arise;
be seated, O Jerusalem;
loose the bonds from your neck,
O captive daughter of Zion.” Isaiah 52:1-2