Behold my servant

“Behold my servant, whom i uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights, I have put my Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the nations… He will FAITHFULLY bring forth justice”

Isaiah 42:1-4

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because God has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion – to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified”.

Isaiah 61:1-3


Love until love is awakened

Today i was struck by how wicked we, as a humanity, are. I always want to believe the best about people, but today i got a serious wake up call. I always thought that the reason why people who don’t eventually turn to God have some reasons why, and if they only had the right circumstances, they would’ve chosen Him. If they’ve only seen God do this, or that, or if this or that Christian would’ve been nicer to them they would’ve stayed with God (although we also have a part to play in it, but ultimately it is everyone’s decision what THEY choose to do),  etc.  It was inconceivable for me to think that some people don’t want to choose God because they just don’t want to. I’m glad that God in His goodness disappointed me so i can see the lie i’ve been believing for so long. (oh God, rid me of my opinions; i want Your truth, Your evaluation of things). The truth is that all of us are evil, wicked and we love to be that way, and God is right in punishing us. The partage is when some choose to turn and hate evil, and some continue to love it.

For those who continue to love evil He punishes them by giving them the desire of their heart. Evil they want, evil they’ll get in the end, but with a twist. Evil will be exposed in the lake of fire as it truly is, and that is: hurt, pain, suffering, loneliness, etc. There will be no more grace to comfort them in any way, when they’ll see that stealing, killing, lieing, hating, gossiping won’t satisfy them.  They will be left empty, full of constant, eternal disappointment. And the saddest thing is they’ll know that only God can satisfy, but He won’t be there anymore.

“And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. 20For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. 21But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” John 3:19-21

“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23and exchanged the glory ofthe immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. 24Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

26For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

28And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.” Romans 1: 18-32

This is God’s evaluation, not mine. In fact, i had to repent for believing that man cannot be held accountable for his choices. Oh, he is so much so, that he is punished with eternal torment if he doesn’t repent and turn to God. And he not only goes to be away from God in hell because he deliberately chooses to be separated from God, but because he deserves it. God wouldn’t be God, and He wouldn’t be just if He punished someone with something they don’t deserve. The punishment of eternal hell is just and right, and God is good for punishing anyone who loves evil.

And here’s the epitome of God’s goodness. He asks me to love and bless those who hate Him. He chose to do that when He died on the cross. While we were still sinners, His enemies, He came to die for us. He is such a lover, that even till the last minute, second, He beckons them by His goodness. And because i know this, i have the responsibility to be like Him. To bless, to love and to hope until the last minute. Love hopes all things 1 Cor 13:13.

Some people say they don’t think God is good because He lets us experience suffering. First of all, it’s what we deserve, and second of all it is actually God’s kindness that He let’s us have a piece of our cake so that we’ll wake up from our comfortable life. Comfort is the perfect breeding ground for selfishness. Why? Because if it doesn’t hurt me, i don’t care. But when i get a little “ouchy” i think twice about helping my neighbor who’s going through the same “ouchy”. The epitome of wickedness is when we get through the trying situation and we have to help someone else who’s suffering, we just look the other way. I do that sometimes, and i don’t even know it. Wickedness is so rooted in me that it’s a way of being for me. I forget what i’ve been through, so i can’t sympathize. (God, please let us have a bit more “ouchy’s” so that we’ll love more, and in return because they see us love like you love, they would turn, and they won’t have to be eternally punished with your absence)

I see that we can be wicked even after we are born again. We choose God because we understand that there’s no other way to be acquitted from eternal guilt and punishment, but then we cruise along, refusing to be transformed from the inside out. It is wickedness and evil if i don’t give God all that He died for: all of my heart, all of my mind, all of my soul and all of my strength. I don’t want to continue to live in something that is foul, destructive, evil!!! I want to kill that old me. Hit it, kick it, nail it, slice it and dice it, till it’s completely dead, for good. Radically eradicate sin, that foothold evil has in me. I want to hate evil with everything in me by surrendering to God, completely. In love. I want to fight evil with love.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming. 7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator… Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Col 3:5-14

Love is the answer to this disease called wickedness. Love until the very last breath. Love until love is awakened.

I want to encourage you to keep fighting for love. It will be so worth it.



Inch by inch becomes a mile someday

Did you guys know that the way we measure our love for God is by how much we love our neighbor (1st book of John)? And if we don’t love our neighbor we are deceived and God calls us liars? If we say we love Him but hate our brothers we are just some crazy fools caught up in our own self emotional pride? Jesus said that if you only love those who love you, what gain is that to you? Even the gentiles do the same (my paraphrase Matt 5:46-48) So my question to MYSELF is: “If I have trouble loving those who love me, how much do I love God, really?”

Not even counting my enemies. They are dead, because i already killed them. Continue reading

Home sweet home

Why is my life so crazy? Why do I live like a snail? Always living at people’s houses, carrying around my suitcases and feeling like I’m a burden to people? I would have loved to bless people instead of being a burden to them. It’s been so hard to ask for support ($), a place to stay, a meal, a bed….a home.

Continue reading

Land of the one legged pigeon

May 5 – I’m home. What a journey it has been the past few weeks. Full of emotions. Today as i was going to buy my Romanian Bible i saw this pigeon with just one leg, then as i looked on the right i saw a mop hanging on a tree. Things you can only see in Romania, i tell you that, that’s why i chose to name this post: “Land of the one-legged pigeon”. 🙂  But, Romania has its good parts too.

I’m going to start out with updating you with everything that has happened the past few days, so I’m just gonna start with the beginning. Thursday morning, the 29th we hustled to the airport and after I checked in my bags I had to say good-bye to Ben. I could not control my tears, I was just so emotional. I knew that I’m gonna miss Ben so much.  People were staring at me crying :)). I wiped my tears and continued on. When I was in the plane I called Ben and he was outside waving. It was so romantic. Every time I remembered I was leaving I would start crying. Even now I am emotional when I think about it. Then the plane took off. I was thinking about the fact that this might be the last time I see Iowa. I remembered all the good memories I had there, and the people who changed my life. Cried again. No one sat next to me, so that was a blessing, because I didn’t have to worry about holding it in. An hour later we  arrived to Chicago, and I was so blessed because my entire trip from then on was easy. I didn’t have to hurry or run to any gates, but I could walk normally and stop to buy a snack before boarding. I got to the gate and waited there for about 10 minutes, then on to the plane I went. Wow, I thought. I am leaving the US, my home for about 5 years, and who knows when I’ll be able to get back. So I said good-bye in my heart to everyone and every memory I had there. The ride went very smoothly and I even got to sleep for an hour or so. This is a miracle since I am never ever able to sleep on the plane or bus or car for that matter. An older gentlemen sat next to me and we talked for a little bit. He was going to Liberia to help out with a school and adoption of a little boy. It was cool to just cross paths with a person I might never see again.

At some point during my flight to Europe I realized that in Cedar Rapids I haven’t paid for the second bag. I was supposed to pay 50$ for the second one, but they forgot so I got it in for free. Yaaay I thought 🙂 I felt like the Lord was smiling down at me saying: “This was my present for you”. He is so kind!! I enjoyed my flight so much, I took out my Bible and my journal and started reading. I was trying to study the biblical “rest”, and what that means to a new covenant Christian. Especially because the Lord has been speaking to me about a period of rest in my life. I also listened to a teaching from John Sheasby called “Grumpy is Dead”. That teaching was phenomenal!!! I encourage you to look it up and listen to it, because it will change your life. It gave me a whole new outlook on what it means to be a new covenant Christian and what the work of the cross did in grace, and how am i supposed to live. It was almost like it took off a huge rock off of my shoulders. It was the perfect word for me as i was getting ready for a new season in my life.

June 17 – A good month has passed since I started this post. Ever since then a lot of things have happened, but I want to continue first from where I left off.

After I arrived to my next connection in Frankfurt going to Budapest, Hungary I met an older man from Hungary. He helped carry one of my bags that’s how we started conversing. My hungarian was really broken at the time, and I felt so ashamed when he told me that his nieces and nephews in San Francisco haven’t forgotten hungarian since they moved there 5 years ago. Plus this man also worked at a Hungarian Embassy in some middle eastern country (I forgot which). But I brushed it aside, I didn’t let that get to me too much. I knew that I’ll be back at it as soon as I get home 🙂

Then I arrived to Budapest and saw my mom!!! I was so happy to see her!!! After 4 years of not seeing her 🙂 But the sad thing was that we had to hurry to get the car before they had to pay for an extra hour in the parking lot, so I didn’t get to hug her properly and enjoy her for a few seconds. I felt like I was robbed 😦

The first thing I noticed that bugged me was the crazy driving. Just plain crazy! I think you can become a billionaire if you have a business for car brakes. I’m serious. People go fast and slam on their brakes like it’s a Nintendo game. But, I soon had to suck it up and tell myself that that’s how it’s gonna be and try not to throw up :)) We stopped at a traditional Hungarian restaurant and I ate like a hungry wolf. I devoured everything. I had a hearty chicken noodle soup that was absolutely delicious, and a big plate of meats and cheeses. Oh man, here goes my diet, I thought. 🙂

We took awhile to get to Cluj, and I was very tired by the time I got home. I even got a head ache I was so tired! But as we pulled into the parking lot, my sister came down to meet me. I was shocked when I saw her! The last time I saw her she was a 16 years old girl, and now she was a 20-year-old young woman!!! She was so tall, and just womanlike. She was stunning as well. I hugged her tight and made sure that no one will steal that moment from me, not even my sister.

I unwinded talking to my sister about the things we’ve missed. It was a good night. I enjoyed being home 🙂 Jesus is faithful!

I took a quick snapshot of my mom right after we hugged. This is precious!!!

Amazing chicken noodle soup. Anyone???

This is the amazing food i had when we stopped. Delicious!!!

My beautiful sister 🙂

This is a pic of the landscape on my way home from Hungary (came from Budapest, Hungary to Cluj, my hometown). Romania is very green and beautiful.

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